Feeling Like a Burden

She falls again and again  

This time it seems as if she is unable to reclaim her land nor her fame  

She searched for a place to rejuvenate and ease the pain  

So, she was only able to hide in her own pocket of empathy and care  

She finally realized that she can be her own personal sane who saves her from being insane  

It is one of those days—she wakes up feeling empty. Her current stage of life seems to be stagnant. She infinitely stares into the beam of light breaking through the white curtains onto her framed picture of artificial plants. Her gaze drifts to the frame as if she is showering the plants with the love and care she wishes to receive from someone else. Suddenly, her mind spaces out in an almost infinite self-blame combined with a numb feeling. A storm of thoughts then overwhelms her again and it reminds her of some persisting life mistakes. She sinks inside of her own mind and becomes engulfed by her memories while experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. Each morning, she relives this experience and pities herself for some time. Often, the thought of being a burden occupies her, although she knows it is false. However, her state of mind under the clouds of depression pours out negative thoughts and feeds the weeds that are preventing her self-esteem from flourishing in the garden of her mind. A tape of her lifelong failures and disappointments is quickly displayed on repeat for an hour or so. She cries to the point of soaking her pillow with her salty, warm tears. Her weak body, fragile heart, drained soul, and lonely self have colluded on being a burden to society because of the care they need. She feels as though she requires more support in order to become fully independent.  

One day, an empathetic person begins to surround her, just like she had always longed for. It’s as if a copy of her empathic self came to care for her during these dark times. Then it clicked—why can’t she be her own savior? Arguing with her mind, she concludes that she is the best one to help herself. Yet, she knew it would not be easy performing both roles: the ill soul and the soul doctor. She couldn’t help but fall in love with this interesting challenge. Finally, she searched, reflected, and summarized the following points for herself and for the many souls that feel like they too are burdens.

First, she defined “burden” for herself: “to be under the storm of negative thoughts.” She realized that her definition is carrying her into a black hole. Thus, she redefined “burden” to: “whatever feels most authentic at the moment.” Ultimately, she has become flexible in how she wants to describe her current state. It is normal to feel self-pity and to tap herself on the shoulder from time to time. Although it would be helpful to have an empathetic and caring person to rely on, she has herself to do so as well. She can collect herself and overcome challenges not alone but individually. She is in fact her best traveling partner to have ever overcome these challenges.  

Second, she is educating herself on what being a burden means and how to tackle such an overwhelming feeling. She figured out the source of her feeling, the meaning, the reasons behind it, and how to tackle it adaptively. Here are a few helpful suggestions she started to follow:

  1. She writes compassionate letters to herself reminding her of the caring person she always is to others and encouraging her to care for herself as well 
  2. She engages in arts and crafts often, or any hobbies that ground her.
  3. She creates a vision board full of her successes and gazes at it when she begins to feel the burden 
  4. She notes down three blessings that she is grateful for daily  
  5. She forgives herself when she cannot complete every single task on her to-do list 
  6. She mindfully strives to become closer to herself, which brings her peace 

At the end of the day, I want to console each soul that feels like a burden. We are not a burden; it is a mind trick that requires a swiftly concentrated brain to overcome it. We are more than capable of being our own heroes and saving our lost souls from the dark and stormy black sea of negative thoughts. 

Hug yourself and bring forth compassion. You have been with yourself since inception and will remain with yourself forever! 

As you read between my lines that are a mix of reality and dreams, may my words bring you peace of mind from any storms of crammed thoughts you have been stuck under. Thank you for looking inside of my stormy mind. Hugs!

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  • Nora Amar

    Nora is a wellbeing advocate, and a soul doctor performing active listening and peer support in different sectors. In addition, she engages in empathetic community development and outreach and is an art practitioner.

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